I apologize if it seems like I've fallen off the planet of late.  I've been ill, which is quite ironic, really.  Sort of like the Higher Power read my last entry and decided to throw a wrench in to my plan to be more positive.  (As if I had a plan at all.)  "Here's a nice sinus/upper respiratory infection.  Your glass may not be half full, but your lungs sure will be."  To be truthful, though, it's kind of working out.  I may be sick, but at least everyone one else in my family is relatively healthy and haven't been washed away by our vacation.  And, while we haven't been able to rule out the eventual need for antibiotics completely, today I am feeling much better.  We shall see how this all pans out.

So...speaking of my last entry.  I keep waiting for that idea to flesh itself out, too.  At least the solution part of the problem.  The problem part of the problem was all too obvious.  I'm more than a little embarrassed about the amount of whining I've done this past year.  A lot of it has to do with guilt.  Guilt is a big oppressor in my life.  I feel bad for things I've done so long ago they're only vague shadows of memories.  I've never found that way to "let go" of the bad stuff; to not only forgive others but to forgive myself.  (Because I am the root of all evil.  Money has nothing on me.)

I've also been thinking about the theory of "living in the moment".  Is it possible to live too much in the moment?  While dwelling in past mistakes is obviously not the right answer (see paragraph two, above), I don't think it's the right answer to go through life without a healthy amount of future forward thinking.  I think I'm pretty set with the here and now.  I seem to have no problem noticing the little things and stopping to smell the roses.  I do have a problem planning realistic goals and seeing them through to fruition. 

If I could sum it up into one thing I need (see how I'm already trying to condense the issue?) it would be this:

Patience

While this is not the only virtue I need to work on, patience is definitely the one I need to work on the most.  My lack of patience effects my health, my friendships, my parenting, my job (Oh, man, does it effect my job), even my art.  (Seriously, you have no idea how many great pieces I've screwed up because I couldn't wait for paint to dry.)

So, I guess my goal is to try to stop being Instant Gratification Girl and just learn to slow things down in my life.  I can blame television and my upbringing all I want, but if I look back on the things I've waited for and the things I had to have right now, it's those I've worked harder for and waited for the longest that are the most dear to me now.  (Truthfully, it is only the things I think I have to have now that are embarrassing.  Because, in the end, I usually find out I didn't need them all that much.) 

Expect to hear more about this epiphany in coming entries.  In the meantime, enjoy this day