It Was 14 Years Ago Today...

Monday, May. 23, 2005 15:49

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It's our anniversary today. Fourteen years married to the one person I've always known was the right one. It seems like both a lifetime and no time at all. We have friends who have been married longer - one couple is celebrating their 25th anniversary next month - but it still seems unreal to me that marriages work out. When it almost takes two hands to count the number of my dad's marriages, it seems unreal to expect forever. And yet I've always known that he's "the one". I remember the first day I saw him, the first day I met him, the moment I started falling love with him. I remember these moments more than my first moments with my son. (High fever, heavy meds...it's understandable.)

I was talking with a friend the other night about what makes a marriage last. I told her it seems to me like we just need to learn to ride out the bad times. There are peaks and valleys in a relationship, especially one that requires constant togetherness. People grow apart and forget to come back together. It takes effort to balance that sense of self with the sense of togetherness. When we tend to spend all of our time on the other person, we tend to ignore the things the make us happy. When we spend all of our time on individual pursuits, we tend to ignore our partner. And this ebbing of the relationship is normal and natural, until we forget to check the balance.

Over the last few years, especially since the Husband lost his parents, we've been off balance. Husband's issues aside, I've been busy pursuing those things that used to make me happy but had been put on the shelf when I married and became a mother. I need my creative pursuits in order to make me feel whole, but if I'm gone from my family every night, spending too much money, and pushing my loved ones away because, "I'm busy!", then it's too much. Within the past couple of weeks, however, we've both kind of looked at each other and said, "Hey, I know you! Where've you been?" And at this point we're as close and in love as we've ever been. When was the last time we spent an hour just looking at each other and talking about how lucky we are to have found each other? Last night we did.

So, we should never let ourselves take each other for granted. But lord knows, we probably will. And we'll make it through that valley as well to a new peak somewhere down the road.

God. Could I have spread that more thickly with cliche's? I'm sorry. Just feeling a little whooshy today.

No big deal plans for tonight. We'll be having dinner at the restaurant where we had our wedding dinner. Big Boy is the salad maker there. We plan to embarass him somehow. Then we'll come home and I'll probably knit whilst the Husband yells at the TV (Pistons and Tigers tonight). It will be my anniversary gift to him to stay by his side and not run for cover with my hands over my ears. (Squeeky shoes. How can basketball fans stand that sound?)

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