I really don't have time for this, but I need to get thoughts out of my head. This past weekend has put a capper on a long period of self-loathing that MUST.END.NOW. I cannot wallow in guilt over past decisions and indiscretions. I need to move forward and make the future a place I want to be. Suicide by carbohydrates is not a pretty way to go. What happened to bring this all on? Nothing at all, except a series of physical ailments that are a direct result of my attitude of late. Then, last night, a nightmare starring my past relationships and situations that haunt me.

Big Boy will be gone for Christmas. Off to FLA with The Girlfriend. I guess that is best, considering his situation, but I wish he were going to be here. Our family is so small lately, and I've gotten used to Christmas involving many, many people.

It is not what's causing this depression, just adding to it.

Back to work, which is back to overwhelming from boring. Never just enough.