Well, that skipping my pills thing is totally imprinted into my brain now. My last entry came at the early end of what turned out to be several weeks of hormonal hell. I would go into details but it would just gross you out. Suffice it to say that I�ve blown the 5 lb cushion between my current weight and That Number Which Shall Not Be Named, even going so far as to skip a meeting completely and another one in theory. I think I�m back on track now, but I make no promises. (I thought I was on track Saturday, too, until I saw that cooler full of Cokes.)

Work has been a little on the busy side since the new catalog was installed and a completely new ordering ideology has been rolled out. I�ve been throwing myself into the job, trying not to get defensive when my �proactive� behavior is met with correction. It sometimes works and things were going very well � I was feeling productive and above the slacker throngs � until I re-discovered a favorite blog and started plowing through it from the beginning. Think of my eyes as dried up raisins and you�ll get some idea of how much I�ve been staring at the screen the last couple of days.

After last month�s depression (hormonal or not, it still sucked to be me) I�ve been trying to get back to being the me I like to be. When a friend asked last week what was up with me lately, it pained me to tell him, �Nothing. Not. A. Thing.� I�m not doing art. I�m not sewing. I�m not going to concerts or baseball games. I�m not taking any exotic, exciting trips. I�m not quitting either of my jobs. There are few good movies to see. The weather has been mild to the point of cool, so there�ve been no sweltering beach days. There have been no fabulously drunken bashes. There have been no large family gatherings. There has certainly been no return of the romance of last spring. It has been pretty normal and pretty bland and I guess I�m grateful for that. With the exception of a few visits with good friends and CWF�s lovely housewarming last weekend, it has been an entirely forgettable few weeks.

It is certainly getting time for a change, though. My six-month revisit to my resolutions of the year has not been pretty.

One thing I�d really like to discover is why, when I just started to really notice that I had dropped 50 pounds in the last year, did I decide that this should be celebrated with ice cream and pizza multiple times per week. Again, there were hormonal issues, but that can only account for the desire, not the lack of judgment. And how can I stop that spiral again? Is there still time to make my 60 pound goal for the year? Do I have it in me to go there, to be that hungry? (That was literal and figurative, both. I�ve realized lately that the idea that one can lose over a hundred pounds without ever getting hungry is a myth.)

I�ve also been cooking again. It doesn�t necessarily help the diet when I�m making things like Swiss steak and noodles and homemade banana bread, but the Boy knows how to woo me with compliments. He�s been telling me how much he likes it when I cook ��cause it always tastes so good!� (Oh, he knows how to get to me.) Unfortunately, if I cook a big dinner and take the dog for a long walk, it cuts into my evening. If I pass the dog walking off to the Husband, the dog will have to wait until after dark and she doesn�t understand why. She�ll just think every time I get up to do anything I�m going for the leash. It�s tends to erode my ability to bury myself in projects. (This is a problem that could be solved if the Husband didn�t have this weird fetish about not walking the dog in the daylight.)

So, where was I�?

Yeah. I need to get back to writing and art. I need to make time for the creative outlets and spend a little less time focused in front of the television or standing in front of the refrigerator. Yep. I need to get on that.

In other breaking stories, the Boy is officially in High School. He�s looking every bit the part, too, now that he�s nearly six feet tall and wearing very large shoes. He thinks his voice sounds like �Screech� from SBTB and he�s right, but I prefer those moments to the ones where he sounds like grown man. He�s still sensitive and sweet and will still doing anything to get out of hard work, but he�s changing; a little too rapidly for my tastes. After reading the filth teenage boys write in each other�s year books, I guess we�re going to have to have some more embarrassing conversations and surprise lunch time check up visits over the summer.

I should be off now. Let�s see if my few days of eating more-or-less on plan will yield some pleasant results at tonight�s weigh-in. I�ll let you know.