I keep wanting to update, because I know it's overdue, but for some reason have avoided it. I'm more than a little blue these past couple of days. Why? Nothing earth-shaking or important, but a number of things that are stressing me.

~ I didn't get the job I wanted because I don't have a college degree. This pisses me off no end. I have eight years experience in this field and a degree in finance or bio-chemistry or woodcarving is not going to make me any better or worse at doing the job. Dammit. (More on this later.)

~ Our vacation is over. The weekend was wonderful, lots of time spent loving the hubby and enjoying the slow pace of the days. Then yesterday it was back to work, where nothing changed while I was gone. Except, oh yeah! we lost another customer.

~ CWF called me at work yesterday. The finacee surprised her in NYC when she docked, booked them a room at the Waldorf and plans to buy her engagement ring there. She was supposed to be at work today and now she won't be there until Thursday. Guess who she picked to tell our boss?

~ We went to the Boy's class orientation meeting last night. I think his teacher is part of some religious cult. She is just too fucking cheerful. Aside from that, she seems incredibly organized and open to communication. We'll have to see how it goes. She got me all upset, though, talking about middle school next year and how much the kids will change this year. {sigh}

~ Ended up spending today going to a funeral. A 90-minute Catholic funeral. Kind of cool, more of a modern type of Catholic, I think. (Like I would know?) But it was very, very long. This was the mother of Hubband's favorite cousin's wife. Seems like a stretch but we just love cousin's wife to pieces and wanted to be there just for her special hugs.

~ Got home to find another phone from CWF's mother full of tasks for me to do for this damned wedding. Don't get me started. I'm toying with the idea of never calling her back. Too much.

ARGHHHH!

Okay. I'm sure that this is mostly hormonal. Part of it is insecurity and uncertainty over the job thing. Part of it is watching my baby grow up into an young man. Part of it is hating the weaknesses in myself that become so apparent lately.

College. Here's the thing...

I wasn't good at school. My primary education was mostly a 2.5 sleepwalk for me. Our little yokel high school didn't really prepare us for much beyond plowing the back forty and punching a time clock. (Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with doing either of those.) I made a series of really bad choices in my first year of college, all of them surrounding men, and by the time I got my head out of my ass the money was gone.

I never really had the ambition to work and go to school at the same time and working paid more. So, that's what I did. I worked. Worked my way up to a job that pays pretty well. Unfortunately, it really looks like that job is going to cease to exist soon and there are too many people out there doing what I do for employers to overlook my obvious failing ~ I never completed college.

I now see my choices as such:

1) Go back to school. Research my options and find the best, quickest easiest way to get a degree. Make the suits happy and continue on my current "career path".

2) Find a less stressful job which will pay me less money for twice the hours, but that I might end up enjoying more.

I tried to ask Hubband for advice but he's still on the kick where he reminds me how surprised he is that I'm making the money I am. (He's never been quite comfortable with the idea that I can make so much more than he can. He seems to think I just fell into it instead of thinking I might possess the skill-set required to do a complicated job.)

So...I guess I'm going to look into the school thing. And I'll probably call back CWF's mother. And we'll have dinner and play Monopoly and I'll pull out of my slump. But right now I'm still in the thick of it.