I begin by apologizing for asking you all to email me your address if you wanted a bookmark made for you. I didn't even KNOW you could turn your email off! Thanks to Jim and Roadie for bringing the problem to my attention. Durrrr!

On to more thoughtful things...

It is the kind of afternoon I had in mind when reducing my hours last year. I've been to the gym and am now sitting here, in my lovely kitchen, with nothing but the clacking of the keys and the hum of the appliances to mar the silence. No husband shouting about political wrongs, no boys in the back bedroom begging to be next to slay Spiderman's villainous enemies, nothing but pure enjoyment of the quiet. The phone's not even ringing because I'm using it to download some Allison Krause songs.

Hubband told me this weekend that he's in no hurry for me to return to full time status. The truth is, now I'm not so sure I am either. Work is going extremely well and I feel like a productive part of the team (which is what I was going for to begin with). We laugh and say it's the suits, but I really think it might have something to do with it. At least it does on my part. I feel smarter - at least as smart as I really am. And I think people notice me more, listen more closely. I've been able to contribute more because of this. I feel like I'm back to my old self.

Then why go full-time? Greed. I want more money. I liked being able to shop till I drop and not worry one iota. Now, I still have the shopping jones, but there is guilt immediately following. If I could just learn to enjoy this part of the plan more and that part of it less, I think we could make this work. But, I want it all. I want travel and pretty clothes and nice furniture. I want that little girl standing beside the trailer in her too short pants and her too small jacket to feel like everything will always be okay.

Only now I am looking at the calendar and seeing that (theoreticly, since it's still not a done deal yet) there are only four more days to call my own, I feel myself mourning for the ones I've wasted.

I am off to the doctor this afternoon, where I'm sure she will put me on medication for my hypertension. I had it under control for a while, but it seems out of hand now. Even getting back to regular workouts has not helped. It runs in the family. And while I'm there, I'll renew Little Boy's chill pills and talk to her about some other things. It's not horrible, just an annoyance in the middle of my enjoyable afternoon.

Then, tonight, I get to go over to Nana's house and hook her up with her ISP. My mom on the internet. What a concept! Should I tell her about D'land? Hmmmm...