People can be so much more cruel with the thoughts they just casually fling out into the world than with those accusations they make fully to your face. I've had two instances this week where friends have said things that I have instantly been hurt by, but I'm not sure they either intended or even noticed. We self-involved people tend to do that, don't we? Just blurt out things to get them off our chest and pay no mind to the debris that is flying at our loved ones. We're most evil in our carelessness.

I spoke to my grandmother yesterday morning, trying to convince her to attend her sister's funeral. She wasn't having it. I think she was actually pissed about it. Freakish, we all are. I am confusedly angry with her. I don't know why. It's not like I was close to this great-aunt. Actually, the only clear memory I have of her is from my great-grandfather's funeral. She rode down for the day with her son and smacked me in the face during the buffet because I said, "Shit" when I dropped something. Since I did not know this woman from Adam (except for the picture of all three sisters which hung in my great-grandparents bedroom) I was a little taken aback.

It must be my years of living with a slighty more normal family (Hubband's) that has me feeling she will regret not going. That it is her duty as a sister to go, regardless of whether or not she felt this woman is a sister or "more like a cousin" since she lived with other relatives most of her life.

Hubband says there's a back story that she's probably not spilling. Mom agrees that there is a resentment that goes back to when they were children but she doesn't know for sure what the deal is. We'll probably never know. We all think she is probably more frightened than anything. Frightened that she will end up wasting away in a nursing home for years before she finally dies and no one will come to her funeral.

Hubband says his sister will come. I reminded him that she would unless she was in Florida, in which case she will send a nice arrangement.

I think I AM evil.

Don't feel like goin' to work today.

Spent all of the morning yesterday waiting for a dumb recruiter to call me. (He said he would call by noon, he called at 2:00 and then the job was way too technical for me.) But the check came during that time and I wrote checks for all of our little (and big) bills which were promptly dropped in the mail after the check was deposited. I went to Media Play to pick up some birthday presents for Hubband and Grandma (didn't have hers), an Easter gift for Big Boy and the new Stephen King book of short stories for me. (I don't know why I keep buying his stuff. I'm hoping he'll redeem himself.)

I went to Blockbuster where I was dissappointed that "Mulholland Drive" does not come out on DVD until 4/9 but I did pick up "Training Day". What can I say about this movie? Well, Dawg, I don't know. I guess I'm missing stuff with movies these days. I really couldn't see anything different about this movie than any of the other gang warfare, drug dealers vs. cops movies. The cinematography was nice. Several times I found myself saying, "That's a cool shot." But the dialog was offensive (I KNOW it was supposed to be, DUH!) and I couldn't see anything special in the performances...until the last half hour of the movie. Then I understood Denzel's nomination. A very powerful performance. So if you rent this movie (as I did), I recommend skipping through most of it. Watch all the scenes with Scott Glenn - those are plot crucial and very well constructed - and the last half hour and you'll be good to go.

I also had meetings with Little Boy's teachers yesterday. I used to dread these. Now I love them. His new reading resource teacher is a dream and she comforted my thoughts of Middle School quite a lot. She came from the Middle School and she let me know he'll have a lot more resources there that will help him than he does right now. That was good news, even though we still have another year of Grade School left, I've been worried. And we also talked about how likeable and funny Little Boy is, how his work has improved so much since the beginning of the year and how all he needs is that constant redirection to rule the world.

So happy a mom was I!

Then we went grocery shopping where I made him go through the aisles with me instead of letting him go in search of magazines and toys. I wanted him to pick out food that he wanted to eat, since we were low on actual food for some reason. $244. later we were lugging all that crap to the car.

Boy, we got us some food now.

Well, I should get going. I'm running behind this morning. Good day to you all.