I should be on the road now.

I should at least have brushed my teeth by now.

At the very least I should have made Little Boy's lunch by now.

But I'm avoiding the inevitable. I have to go to work.

I really miss my days off.

It's that whole cake and eating it too thing. It makes one full.

I don't really know what I'm rambling about. There are so many little things I both need and want to do with my time. Yet I just come home and plop on the sofa. What is with me? What am I missing? What's causing this at my very favorite time of year?

At least it's not the marriage. We couldn't be happier. (Okay, maybe if we had a little more energy, but that's about it...) I think the fact that we're no longer exactly "rolling" in money has forced us to focus on each other a little more.

Hubband had a couple of buds over last Sunday to watch football and drink leftover keg beer. He said they were talking about how odd it was that one of the guys had been married for over 20 years to the same woman, when the other two hadn't found their true love until the second time around.

Somewhere in my heart I know we'll be together forever. And where that was frightening to me at one time (which seems so long ago), I now find it enormously comforting.

Now, if I could just get over this other thing. This measuring of myself against other's progress. This evil jealousy and envy lurking at the back of my mind; at the front of my personality. It isn't right. It isn't fair. She's been supportive of me, has allowed me to help bring her here, and now I can't even deal with where she is.

I feel like what I did was harder. It's not as dramatic but it was more difficult. No one notices. No one sees. It isn't obvious like it is for her. She's changing DAILY! And she's made it clear that people can't approach her about it so the talk to ME about their amazement.

I need to let it go. I love her and she needs me to be supportive right now. But I just need to find the way to LET IT GO!

And speaking of going. I'm very late...