Resolutions.

Goals.

Committments.

I've always had problems with them.

One of the biggest problems, I've discovered of late, is not meeting the goal, but staying committed to it. I seem to have this fear of being the person I want to be.

I know the fear and have named it. It's a fear that I'll graduate college and still not be happy. A fear that I'll lose 100 pounds and still not be able to see someone attractive looking back at me in the mirror. A fear that I'll have to keep giving things up in order to become the me I want to be.

But this year, I feal stronger, even though the last couple of months I've been backsliding, I feel like I've maintained the desire for last year's goals. I still want to be healthy. I think if I look back to last year at this time, I was miserable and so unhealthy. And I did something about it. I made excercise a part of my life. A fun part of my life. I forced myself into enjoying it.

And I think of that whenever I worry about the money I spent. I'm more able to play outside with my kid. I participated in a softball game that, while just a friendly get together, included some real athletes in the mix. I went swimming, in public, a lot. I learned to like sweating.

And most of all, I learned that some things are never going to change and it's sometimes best to just come to terms with them. There's no cure for the Rosacia, so I'm trying to learn what works for me and what doesn't to hide it as much as possible. I'm going to go through menopause early. Ditto, I'll just learn to deal with it. I'll always be taller than every other woman in the room (unless we happen to be at some wNBA event, and then only half the women will be shorter than I). I'll never, ever be petite.

This year I learned that all of that is okay. I learned that If I set goals today and don't meat them all the way tomorrow, it sucks to be me, but I don't have to give up. I can just adjust the timeline on those goals.

So, I'm with Weetabix on this one, I guess. I'm just going to continue on the things I've put forth in the last year and if something new comes up, some change I want to make, well...I'll see if the time is right. For now, I'm just going to be fine getting back to the routine I found worked for me before.

Oh, and please, if I ever mention smoking again? Please feel free to kick my ass around. I feel like an elephant is doing the Macarena on my chest today.

Totally unrelated: If you have an opportunity to take your children to see "Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius"; go on and do it. Little Boy laughed so hard he couldn't get his breath and if that's not worth $5.00, I don't know what is. (I thought it was funny, too!)