Christmas Eve. Much to do. Food shopping. Food prepping. Gift gathering. Driving.

The weekend - for the most part - was good. New toys to play with and lots of restful family time. I like it low-key like this.

The Big Boy came over last night to open the gift we bought jointly with Nana and Grandma. He LOVED it! It's so hard to buy anything for him and equally hard to tell if he really likes it or not. But last night his face lit up like I hadn't seen it do for years.

We done good.

And he'll need a Palm Pilot next year to keep track of all his school stuff. His life is already ten times more complicated than ours.

While he was here, he hooked me up with a good MP3 site and gave me some pointers on CD creation. He rocks.

I was chatting online with a friend last night and discussing my role in his life a little. It's sometimes difficult being a stepmonster. I know I'm a part of his life - as much as either of his parents for the last 12 years or more. But if I were to say our relationship still wasn't a little uncomfortable at times, I'd be lying. It's still difficult to know my role. There are still lines I sometimes don't know about and cross.

Little Boy is so easy. He's mine. He came from me. Sometimes I feel like Hubband isn't even as much a part of him as I am. We have this connection.

I worry that, if something were to happen to Hubband (God Forbid!), I wouldn't have a place in Big Boy's life.

And yet, at times like this weekend, when we're talking MP3's and computers and geek-speak - leaving Hubband out of his element - I feel closer to him than either of his parents. Like last night when he downloaded a song for me, then said he was going home to download it, too.

I'm a parental figure, but I'm not a parent. I'm younger than his parents (not much, but some). I don't share that huge history of discipline with them. I'm approachable.

I hope that he knows how much I love him. How proud I am that he is such a fine young man. That I did, indeed, have a hand in that - no matter how small.

Wow...PMS much?

Anyway, I should get Little Boy up and showered and my grocery list written and my shopping done so I can start cooking.

Cause tonight the presents start rolling in! Yippee! (I'm just a greedy little tyke at heart!)