This will be the third or fourth time I've tried to complete an entry. Something always comes up or I reread it and it sounds trivial or rambling or whatever. Much like the previous sentence. Behold my attempt to correct the cycle.

---

First, before I forget, a shout out to my friend, Kookla, who sent me a Tar-Jay gift card which I used to by the "Fire*fly" DVD set. You are too sweet to me. I owe you a proper thank-you (as is New Year's resolution number one) just as soon as I have the courage to face the disaster that is my craft room.

---

Monday night we received a call from The Big Boy. Unusual for him to call on a weeknight, we started with the usual chatter and then he asked what we were doing. While we couldn't imagine why he would care, we went about describing our various boring weeknight activities. That's when BB dropped the bomb, "Well we thought we'd come over if you're not busy."

Yup. The newlyweds are in town for a suprise visit. Seems they got a really good price on tickets and flew into town on Saturday night, arranging an airport pickup through his stepdad as a surprise for his mom. (???) They proceeded to describe their visits with various family members but didn't really express why it had taken them almost 48 hours to contact us. It might have been due to fear of the type of uncomfortable visit that exactly occurred. Many minutes of staring off into space wondering what to possibly talk about next. There seemed to be little going on with each other that we didn't already know. We ended up filling any gaps in the conversation with stories about the dog. (To which the DIL is allergic.)

I really would like to have a better relationship with these two. It shouldn't be this hard to make conversation with your children! Granted, it hasn't really been that long since they were here - we'd gone longer periods than that without seeing them when they lived here - but still...it seemed like we all felt like it was an inconvenient chore to sit in the same room for an hour.

They are leaving tomorrow night and tonight are having a big dinner at a local mexican eatery. It will kind of be like the rehearsal dinner that didn't happen, as everyone will be there. Husband keeps asking me if I'm going and telling me I don't have to be there, which I find confusing. Why wouldn't I be there? Why would he go without me? I don't understand.

It worries me that this might happen with the Boy as he gets older. How can I stand it if he pulls away from me like this?

---

In other news...

The weight loss efforts of late have been a struggle. I've grown bored of "counting" things and therefore haven't. This is the point in my struggle where I usually give up and let the fat win. I am trying to move past that point this time.

I rejoined the gym.

You may not remember, but back when I started this journal (and had a fat bank account) I joined a spiffy gym and hired myself a personal trainer (with whom I immediately became inappropriately infatuated - but that's long ago) and wanted to make myself strong and lean. Once the personal trainer was out of the picture, however, I felt awkward and clumbsy around the equipment and eventually stopped going. I let my membership go when I was unemployed a couple years back and couldn't afford to pay the huge monthly fees. (I was later shocked to find out that it had been more like five years since I'd gone on any regular basis.)

It's been working out well to go right after work, since I get out so early. I almost beat the rush. I've gone the last two days, just to do some cardio and dork around in the pool. I've got an appointment to go over some stuff with a trainer on Monday because I just look at those weight machines and go catatonic. I don't know why I find them so intimidating. You'd think if I can change into a swimsuit and shower without too much drama, then lifting weights shouldn't throw me the way it does.

A few things are different this time. The gym is much more crowded, but also seems to have a lot more equipment than before. It's a different crowd in the evening than it used to be in the morning. I used to like going when the majority of the crowd was older/larger than I. Now I'm competing for space with cheerleaders and yuppies who haven't had a carbohydrate since 1999. They've changed the locker rooms, adding more lockers and a couple of showers. The only problem I have with that is they've also changed the soap. They used to have this wonderful stuff that made good shampoo/body wash but didn't dry my skin. Guess I'll be bringing my own now. Also, the pool isn't as clean as she used to be.

So I just have to keep reminding myself that these people are not there to stare at me. They're probably not even noticing me because they're involved in their own workout. I should be involved in mine and focused enough not to trip over my damned feet when flying on the treadmill. It'll take some time to get back into it, but I'm already feeling the benefits. We'll see if it shows up on the scale over the next few weeks.